Slash that...different project

OK I'm putting that last project on hold, partly because it is boring and there are more important things at stake.

It's the season of love, which I thought was supposed to be spring, but nevermind. Everyone around me is finding themselves in new romantic entanglements, including shockingly, myself. And I swear the bastard in the last post I mentioned sensed my happiness as a target to destroy, because I also found myself more badly hurt than I thought I could be by this particular relationship. Mostly because it wasn't a relationship at all. I guess I'm just always still surprised on how badly a person can treat another person.

Only problem? It's causing me to be more cautious than I even want to be with this new guy who is surprisingly sweet and masculine and honest all at the same time. But of course I do the usual and my mind is racing picking out reasons why it won't work. And the walls for me haven't come down just yet but we will see.

So my new project? With a little guidance from Eckhart Tolle, reaching some sort of non bullshit enlightenment about life.

First major hurdle: get out of your mind. Almost all people let their minds control them:

Identification with your mind creates an opaque screen of concepts, labels, images, words, judgments, and definitions that blocks all true relationship. It comes between you and yourself, between you and your fellow man and woman, between you and nature, between you and God.

So the first step? Start watching the thinker in your head, separate yourself from it. Listen to it without judgment, pay attention to repetitive thoughts, and soon you'll find yourself separating from the disease that is over thinking.

This is going to take a lot of work.

New Project

Hello Blog...I have actually had the urge to write many times in the past couple of weeks, unfortunately the Internet connection in our new place is pretty sketchy. Thank the Lord it chose to work for me on my day off when I am recovering from a night out and it has been raining nonstop.

So everyone around me is getting promotions left and right, and here I am, still sitting here in my hourly role at Disney. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in complete loathing for my job, but I just constantly have that feeling that there is more for me, I'm just so lost on what that is. But nothing brings it out more than watching everyone around you get closer to what they want. One day, when I am finally out of the fog, that will be me.

In this generation, the average person goes through about five different careers. I guess I just figure that while I'm young, I'll have fun in number one. But I definitely can't live off this kind of money forever!

In the past 48 hours I've made a big mistake, and been in great company...so I'm thinking one has cancelled out the other. To be honest, I've been making the same mistake all year, but now it is finally over. I finally have the willpower to not make that mistake anymore. And I don't even feel the need to stick it to the person that has influenced me to make that mistake. Feels oddly...gratifying.

So on a philosophical note.

I've often wondered if part of human survival is the natural tendency to let certain unimportant things take over your mind, so that you don't depress yourself by spending all of your time thinking about the bigger troubles in the world. Could that be what causes most people to spend most of their time worrying about their needs and their lives and leave them blinded to the bigger picture? And if that is the case, what does it take to make them see? Does it have to directly affect them before they take action or even care?

Like activists...what forcefully draws them to their cause? I sometimes fantasize about winning the lottery, like I'm sure most people do. But one of the biggest things I ponder if I suddenly had endless funds, is what cause I would spend my time fighting for? Would it be world hunger, disease, global warming, the sea turtles? Unfortunately no amount of money would fight what is going on in our government and bringing our country to its knees. I would have no control over how it has affected our economy, our reputation, people losing their homes so the banks can continue to steal from us and keep the elite at the top. ETC. But that rant is for another day.

It would take more than one post.

NEW PROJECT: Look into a new cause every day. Why? Because I want to know what is worth fighting for.