When you don't go home for Christmas

So it's my second year in a row that I'm not going home for Christmas. Christmas also conveniently coincides with my birthday, and when I say conveniently, I am say it with a hint of sarcasm. I don't think I've ever met anyone with a Christmas birthday that's said "I love having a Christmas birthday, it rocks!" Nope, everyone is pretty much unanimous in saying that it sucks the big one.

My birthday is actually on Christmas Eve, but that's pretty much the same thing. This year it's my golden, as I turn 24 on the 24th. What will I be doing to celebrate the occasion? Working as a pirate. But you know what? It's really not all that bad. Everyone I would be celebrating with is either also working or separated by distance. And it's only a bad thing if you make it one, right?

This is me and Casey's Christmas tree this year...it's not real but it gets the job done. That's my boss chillin' at the top.

But you can't help but get a little nostalgic this time of year about past Christmases, friends and family. I live a completely different life than the one I did a year and a half ago, and most of the time I'm really not sure how I feel about that. I mean, I've grown up. But now what, now where am I going? I guess right now I kind of feel like I'm trying to live it up while I still can before I have to actually get serious. Because then, I feel, that's what I have to settle on for the rest of my life. What if I do move back to Appleton? I have to know that I will be happy with that situation, and that I have lived as a poor, young (and single), college grad.

But 23 is over in 6 days. I definitely have a HELLuva New Year's resolution for 2011.


Changing the topic completely, I visited Universal Studios this past Tuesday and noticed a ton of people walking around wearing their Gryffindor scarves, but was very dismayed to see that no one was wearing one from Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw or even Slytherin. Does everyone really need to be Harry Potter, aka the center of attention? I guess so. I personally think I'd rock out the Hufflepuff scarf, because they deserve love to. However, I just took a quiz that told me no, I am actually a Ravenclaw:

Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

This could be pretty accurate, with the way I am always trying to use logic in situations. Too bad that logic can't get rid of certain unwanted feelings about a certain person right now...oh well, guess I'll have to suffer like the rest of 'em.

Goodnight world.

Drinking...

I wasted a lot of time in High School and college drinking. I grew up in Wisconsin...that's the culture there. You're just like, strange if you don't. And with all the insecurities I used to have it seemed like the ideal thing for me...an activity that doesn't set me apart but lets me come out of my shell in a fun way.

But then it became more of a habit than a hobby. If we were going out, we were going to get drunk. That's just what we do. But I'm really starting to regret that decision. Why did I always feel like I needed to participate in that all of the time?

Tonight I went to hang out with two former co-workers from Pirates at the Miller Ale House in Orlando, a place I have been many, many times since I moved down here. The difference this particular time was that these two guys don't drink, they don't see the point. So clearly I wasn't going to sit there and drink if I was going to be the only one.

And you know what? It wasn't bad at all. I was almost taken aback by the fact that I probably had as good of a time or better than if I had been drinking. I know what you're thinking too. Has it really taken 23 years of life for you to come up with the fact that you don't need to drink to have a good time? And the answer is no, I have definitely been out and not drank before many times. But it doesn't happen as much as it should in a setting like this one.

And I have slowed down since college, thank God. There is no way I could probably top the amount of drinking I did then ever again in my life. But now I think it's time to really slow down, save those brain cells, and concentrate on other things. It will be difficult when going out with people, but I can say that when I did the other night, I was the only one to even attempt to pace myself.

I know there are a lot of problems in this world, but up until recently have I only realized that I was viewing the whole world as one big alcoholic, and that really isn't everyone. And it's not so bad.

Bristol...Really??

Ok, can I just quickly express my beef with Bristol Palin?

1. Teen activist? Really? She did not refrain from having sex and still doesn't. Abstinence is a possibility...maybe, but how do you know??

2. Her mother is Sarah Palin.

3. She can dance alright, but she can't perform.

and 4. The votes on DWTS are coming from loyal conservatives, people are forgetting that it's actually not a political election in any way, it's about the arts. But it makes sense that Republicans would get that confused as they often mix things with government that shouldn't be. *cough* religion.


So Brandy and Maks were eliminated, and I'll be honest. I thought that the right people were in the bottom 2 as I voted mostly for Kyle and Lacey but a little for Jennifer because she should win. But Brandy going home when she's been a top scorer all season and for Bristol to stay?

You can't help who votes though, or why they vote. You can just note that they do.

No More!

So there's something that I really need to do: stop worrying about males. I'm not dating at all anymore, just talk to a lot of people. But why even worry about that, not that I really have been "worrying". There is not enough time in the day to do everything you want to do. So wipe that out and you'll get a lot of it back. Whatever happens, happens.

I miss being in school and it's only really starting to hit me now. At least there I had something to work on, a hobby to pursue. I miss having a paper to write for, or even an assignment to complete. Mindless work is not a good replacement for college, unfortunately. So I will find other ways. Breaking out my Freelancing for Dummies, ASAP. Kidding, it's actually the idiot's guide.

One of my best friends Ashley is in town and we discussed doing a traveling blog. It could be pulled off, if done exactly right. Who knows, could get sponsors.

On another note, I will have to blog about Hanson next. Sorry in advance.

Halloween 2010

Well my Halloween was a little anti-climatic to be honest. It was still cool, but not what I had been planning for. I went downtown Orlando to a club called Bliss that one of my co-workers does the lights for. I thought my costume was alright, but the others were just so good that I felt out of place.
Here I am, hanging out with the DJ. Anyway, it was supposed to be a huge group of friends but for some reason the girl who came down (my old roommate from the college program) really just flaked on me. Pretty disappointing, but people change. I just wish I hadn't made plans with her in it! I just don't know why I always end up hanging out with selfish people, I'd do anything for my friends. Who knows, maybe that's why. People step all over the quiet and considerate people, and unfortunately that's how I am. It's genetic.

My roommate's costume was a little more fun. She was Snooky, complete with the crystal-studded glasses and furry slippers (you can't see them but they're pink):
Anyway, tonight I go to hand out treats at Magic Kingdom and then Halloween is officially over. Better luck next year.

In other news, my Mom says the Rally to Restore Sanity was a blast and the crowd was very respectful and good. Of course, FOX news still reported the crowd to be "insane" and unruly. The whole point of the rally was to stand up against media that distorts reality, and of course FOX news reports the event with complete bias and lies.

I had a friend recently tell me to look up the Zeitgeist movement. It's basically based on wiping out social stigmas and classes, because the world as it is now is based on corruption. I'm surprised we still work as a whole, although it is just one huge struggle. Every company, every religion is in some way ran with corruption and there to deceive people. Why is honesty such a difficult concept for the world to handle? I'm looking more into the movement, but how do you get the majority of people in this world to understand, to open their eyes?

Yes...I'm Alive

Sometimes, when I feel like I have so much going on in my head I feel that writing doesn't always help, just makes it feel more chaotic.

So I've been absent a little bit.

Don't worry, I am strategically devising a plan to get me more motivated. Short List:

1. Exercise
2. Vitamin B
3. Keep writing
4. Read more too!
5. Get a hobby
4. NOT worry about other people so damn much.
5. Be the best me I can be everywhere I go

Short n sweet. Not every person is going to be the same, and they may often even disappoint you. You just have to work with it and know that it's not a big deal because you're still you and you can do better than that. Hypocrisy. I hate that it exists. So I don't want to be an example of it.

A lot of people are visiting this month and next, I guess that has me occupied for the time being. My cousin and his wife brought their two beautiful little girls to Disney. And when I say beautiful, I mean beautiful. Their names are Lucy and Lily and they are four and five. My old roommate from the college program is visiting for 2 weeks. Ashley, one of my best friends from High School is flying in the day she leaves. And then a few other people seem to be popping by. Or up into my life.

But I need to start to concentrate. On what really matters.

I want to learn how to surf.

:P

I'm watching the 2nd Pirates movie to get pumped for work tomorrow after a pretty great weekend. To celebrate my roomie's birthday we went downtown Orlando to participate in Drag Queen Bingo at Hamburger Mary's where 2 queens put on a show and call bingo numbers. It was definitely hilarious. Here's a pic:

Afterward we went to I-Bar on Church St., which was having its Grits and Gravy night (soul music). Good times.

I Smell a hit from 1999!

I had the day off, so some friends and I headed to Animal Kingdom to get on a couple rides and then to Epcot to check out the new pizza place in Epcot, Via Napoli and then to watch the concert of the night, Sugar Ray. The pizza was amazing as rumored, especially since I have yet to find an amazing pizza place in Orlando.

I've never seen Mark McGrath in person, but my girl Casey had a good point. He totally reminds me of Drama from Entourage, but with tattoos!

It ended up being a really good show, he's a great entertainer. On top of his four hits from the late 90s he sang an 80s song I wasn't familiar with (Ishi Goshi? No clue, I'm 23), and his rendition of Kid Cudi's Day n Nite. He made sure to run through the crowd a couple of times, talk to a lady's friend on the phone, and bring a cute little girl on stage:


We had good seats, it was a good day.

It's finally the "weekend". I'm ready to actually get up and do stuff, but tonight I was a worthless piece of human life because I have been exhausting myself for no reason. Who doesn't?

Here's the line up for Food and Wine Festival, it's not Summerfest in Milwaukee but it's free for me so let's do it! (I hope to make it to the ones in the purple).

10/1-10/3 — Taylor Dayne, “Tell It to My Heart”

10/4-10/5 — Kool & The Gang, “Celebration”

10/6-10/8 — Sugar Ray, “Fly”

10/9-10/10 — Taylor Hicks, “Do I Make You Proud ”

10/11-10/12 — Air Supply, “Lost in Love”

10/13-10/15 — Sister Hazel, “All For You”

10/16-10/17 — Howard Jones, “No One Is To Blame”

10/18-10/19 — Exposé, “Seasons Change”

10/20-10/21 — 38 Special, “Hold on Loosely ”

10/22-10/24 — Night Ranger, “Sister Christian”

10/25-10/27 — Billy Ocean, “Caribbean Queen”

10/28-10/31 — Starship starring Mickey Thomas, “We Built This City”

11/1 – 11/3 — Boyz II Men, “End of the Road”

11/4-11/5 — Roger Hodgson formerly of Supertramp, “Give A Little Bit”

11/6-11/7 — Jon Secada, “Just Another Day”

11/8-11/9 — Hanson, “MMMBop”

11/10-11/11 — Rick Springfield, “Jessie’s Girl”

11/12-11/14 — Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, “Go Daddy-O”

Things to come!

I'm a sorry excuse for a blogger, I know. Sorry I've been lacking lately. Things have been getting better, I'm looking forward to quite a few things this month, but am still confused as ever about a lot of other things.

Working at POC has had its ups and downs, there's this thing going down where a co-worker feels the need to bring everyone down with him, which seems just tiring at a job that pays 7.70 an hour. Oh, but the benefits are great. Right...well I have forgotten about this problem because it has already been on my mind a second too long. Another guy at work has been on my mind since he told me some very sad things that lead up to his mom being admitted to a mental hospital in Jacksonville. And he's already working at Pirates to pay off all the bills for his family, and I can't even imagine. When I asked him how he feels he couldn't come up with an exact emotion...not sad, not angry, not stressed. And finally he came up with: powerless. Just made me think.

I'm slowly but surely making trips to the gym, hoping this will help sculpt my new and motivating life. I've also quit soda and am trying to eat better, but again, it's a slow process. Some people would say that I don't need to lose the weight, that I should eat more, but one: they haven't seen my stomach and two it's not really about losing weight. It's about staying fit, feeling fit. I want to feel good.

There are also some personal problems that have affected my, ahem...escapades between the sheets. It is not a helpful problem in the midst of having no idea about what to do with my relationship that isn't a relationship because I said so. Because I can't figure out how I feel about someone I can't marry. I think that's one of those FML problems. In caps.

My roommate Casey, who I hang out with most of the time I'm not at work, is also coming down from her high-on-life, as she just went home to upstate NY to visit. It's her birthay on 10-10-10, and we're still contemplating what to do for it. Something involving beverages.

I am looking forward to enjoying one of my Disney benefits this month, and that's Food and Wine festival at Epcot. The best part? Free concerts, including many of my beloved 90's bands that bring me back to the 6th grade. This Wednesday we'll be going to the new pizza place that opened up in Italy and then the Sugar Ray concert. I'll let ya know how it goes.

Best of all though...the end of this month I'm expecting visits from a couple friends and some family I haven't seen in a very long time (not sure if I should be excited or wary about the family, I can only wait and see).

It's a balance, all of it I think. In a month, it will all be balanced differently. Hopefully I can learn to take a little more control of how that happens.

escapism and little bits of truth

Soo my Mom doesn't actually have regular television, she's way too cool for that. Usually, it's ok. They just download their regular shows and watch them then next night. But it can backfire when so many of the best shows came back tonight.

Please don't think I have no life. I just have a great appreciation for TV and movies. Anything that creates happiness is good. Some of the best comedies on television right now- Community and 30 Rock started tonight. I'm excited to catch up on those. Then Grey's Anatomy came back after the most intense season finale ever with the shooter. Other than that, I'm really only concerned with Desperate Housewives which may not have many seasons left.

But these are purely for entertainment value. What I am becoming more and more impressed with is The Daily Show and Colbert report, which I have been watching for years, but am just now realizing how important they really are. I am heavily considering starting a Stewart/Colbert blog to follow the issues they discuss. I mean really, it's the only honest, factual media that I know. I just wish more people knew this.

You want to know what I wonder? I wonder how are all the wrong and evil things in the world so obvious, yet people make them the only option? The way FOX news deliberately report distorted facts that teach hate and distrust with distrust. The way that the 400 richest people in America could pay off the entire nation's credit card debt with 10 percent of their worth. The way every GOOD president or figure in history we've ever had has been assassinated? It's as if some higher power decided that going in the right direction is not allowed. Fair is not everyone else's fair to the rich and powerful.

Pretty soon, there's going to be an uprising, and people will be driven to demand the change that Obama cannot deliver on his own. Whether he has given it a very good shot is not for me to say. And I definitely wouldn't.

I didn't have many pictures taken of me when I was little. So I was looking through some old ones my mom had and found my favorite. It's me and my bro in a wagon:



I don't know, maybe it's the way I am holding on to him for dear life, but at the same time I'm thinking I'm protecting him. Just a thought anyway.

I Disagree with You, but I'm Pretty Sure you're not Hitler

What I forgot to mention yesterday about Stewart's (and Colbert's, remember, gotta have both) rally was WHY it is so important, and why it is a milestone. Or at least I hope it turns out to be.

The rally is for the forgotten normal Americans who are not completely polarized on the issues, and who do not demonize those they disagree with. That's like, 80 percent of us. Problem is, the normal ones get forgotten for people like Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh. We're almost to chill that we are hidden by the ones who need to chill.

I have to admit something: When I first heard about the mosque being built near ground zero, my first thought was: well that's a stupid place to want to have it. But then I realized that this was a stupid thing for people to fight about and burn bibles over. It wasn't the Muslim religion that made those terrorists fly their planes into the World Trade Center, as much as they hide behind it. It was the people, and the truth is that there are bad, bad people in every religion.

People are constantly looking for scapegoats, and anecdotes or situations that will prove what they believe is the right thing to believe. Why is it always about that? And here I am, saying this after getting drunk last week and getting in a fight with my ex boyfriend about why I think it's ridiculous for him to be a Jehovah's Witness. I shouldn't have done that, because everyone's entitled to believe what they believe.

I just think that organized religion, and what comes from those beliefs, is what has people at such protest against one another.

What is it about human nature that we all feel such the need to form these cults, whether it's a religion or a political party? It seems that neither are quite helping with the overall way the people in the world are relating to one another. I don't think God meant for us to get quite so stubborn about it all. Treat your neighbor as you would yourself, isn't that some sort of biblical guideline?

Is it not enough to just have your beliefs and stay true to them? Stop wasting your time demonizing others and getting so hyped up on the wrong issues already.

A few good points I want to highlight from an opinion column from John Avlon, who I think has the right idea about the rallys:

(Here's the link if you want to read more)

This isn't a concealed campaign rally for either party. It's a counterprotest against the rising tide of conformity that causes hyperpartisans to demonize people with whom they disagree. It's the anti-demagogue Saturday on the mall; people taking to the streets and yelling, "Be reasonable!"

And what I've thought for years...
Media manipulation by professional partisans on both sides has become so predictable that satire has emerged as the last, best way to cut through the spin cycle.

It's no wonder Stewart was voted as the "most trusted man in news" by TIME magazine.

Attend the RALLY!! I can't, but you should. If you can.

First order of business: I WANT TO GO TO THE RALLY! I think this is possibly a milestone in history, and it's coming from Comedy Central, so it won't be recognized as such. But Really. Isn't it sad that in the end they are the ones with more truth, sorry TRUTHiness, than anyone? I definitely have to give my Mom props for deciding within moments of Stewart and Colbert's announcement that she was going to get in a car with her husband and drive 10 hours to go. It is going to be one HELL of a ride. Here are the links:

www.rallytorestoresanity.com
-"If we had to sum up the political view of our participants in a single sentence... we couldn't. That's sort of the point."

Smart man. Did I mention that I missed meeting him by a second? Very sad day. Moving on.

Stewart's arch nemesis will be holding an opposing rally.

www.keepfearalive.com
-"There are dark, optimistic forces trying to take away our Fear -- forces with salt and pepper hair and way more Emmys than they need. They want to replace our Fear with reason."

You really can't have one without the other. Anyway, I'm excited to hear about how this little shindig goes down, tailgate anyone? Haha, kidding.


My trip to Atlanta has been extended due to the evil demon of car problems. Nothing makes me miss work more. Sounds like they are going to have to rebuild my transmission, not cheap, and not a quick job done until Friday morning. So I won't be making money and having lots less of it due to my expensive problem. I don't know if my shopping spree is going to help much either :)

My advice? Never buy from a sleazy Orlando dealership. Seems obvious right? But when you really need a car now, not all areas are so accessible about it. Or honest. What I should have done was not buy such a cheap car, but it's kind of hard when you're working min. wage in a recession. But enough of that depressing news! There Is a silver lining...

I'm in Atlanta and not at work! I've got to embrace it, because I have no choice in the matter as it is. So here I am. Bringing it on. Alright, so I've been kind of a bum. Caught up on some good movies though! Get Him to the Greek=Classic. Easy A, not quite an A but Emma Stone gets one as always! Ok, must go before I bore you to death.

Visiting the Moms

So I drove up from Orlando, Florida yesterday to visit my mom in Roswell, Georgia. It started as a nice drive but when my check engine light came on and my 11-year-old Honda Accord started giving me problems in stop and go traffic, I started to stress. Pretty bad.

But I'm here now and it's always so relaxing. Mom moved down to Georgia from Wisconsin somewhere around my Sophomore year of college, and also married a man she met on eHarmony. Makes me wonder if these dating sites actually work. Did for them I guess, can't argue that!

Last night we had an awesome dinner on the grill with blackened grouper, corn on the cob and peppers, onions and broccoli. It was amazing. Sounds simple, I know, but it's the little things in life. After my uncertain car ride, it was all I wanted to just have a nice meal and watch a movie.

The movie we watched last night was Knight and Day, which I was very skeptical about before but it was oddly good. As much as I don't think Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz make sense as a match, the movie was an on purpose over-the-top, almost parody of the action flicks Cruise has done. It was fun though, even though I couldn't help but ask why Diaz's character wasn't freaked out by the fact that she was on an empty flight, even though it was sold out. Durr.

Anyway, I came here to get away from everything and think. Definitely did some praying on that car ride up. Hopefully I come to some sort of profound realization, lol. That would be nice.

My Invisible Problem

So I went out with my ex last night. And at the bar we met a guy who actually had some interesting things to say, imagine that. But there was one statement he made that was simple, yet so profound at the same time, and it was this:

"It all comes down to this: all women are crazy, and all men are stupid."

If you think about it, it really does explain a lot of things, especially when it comes to relationships. Men think women are conniving, and it's because we're crazy and they're easy to fool. Women think men are assholes, it's because they're stupid and therefore bad at hiding their selfishness.

Now don't get me wrong, there are many different levels of craziness and stupidity, but when it comes down to it it makes sense in almost every situation.

There's a guy at work that drives me crazy. And not in the good way. All he does is talk about how stupid other human beings are, and I know I'm one of them. Thing is, I'm not stupid. Far from it. He just has a compulsive need for everyone to do things exactly how he does. I just have a different way of doing the same things. So every time he's around, he rudely corrects and picks apart my job at the meaningless work it is that we do. And I have no choice but to listen to his egotistical, bigoted, self-fulfilling commentary in the break room. The best part? He pretends he still doesn't know who I am after working there for 4 months.

I hate feeling invisible, and lately it's what I've felt. I had a period in college where I felt so completely insignificant that I fell into a pretty bad depression. Thing about depression is, it's like a gang: when you're in, it's really hard to get out. Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) described her depression as a two goons that hung around and haunted her daily life, their names: Depression and Loneliness. You just have to stand up and yell really loudly: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN YOU!!! But of course, it's not as simple as just saying it. You've got to believe it too.

Gilbert thinks a lot like I do. I wish I wasn't prone to depression, but I am. This is the way she feels, and one passage I found particularly interesting was her looking into all the possible reasons for her depression:

{What was the root of all this despair? Was it psychological? (Mom and Dad's fault?) Was it just temporal, a "bad time" in my life? Was it genetic? (Melancholy, called by many names, ahs run through my family for generations, along with its sad bride, Alcoholism.) Was it cultural? (Is this just the fallout of a postfeminist American career girl trying to find balance in an increasingly stressful and alienating urban world?) Was it astrological? Was it artistic? (Don't creative people always suffer from depression because we're so supersensitive and special?) Was it evolutionary? (Do I carry in me the residual panic that comes after millenia of my species' attempting to surive a brutal world?) Was it karmic? (Are all these spasms of grief just the consequences of bad behavior in previous lifetimes, the last obstacles from liberation?) Was it hormonal? Dietary? Philosophical? Seasonal? Environmental? Was I tapping into a universal yearning for God? Did I have a chemical inbalance? Or did I just need to get laid?}

Unfortunately for me, Depression and Loneliness have come to hang around lately, because of this "invisible problem", and it's screwing with my relationships. It's hard to be around someone who's depressed, so I'm trying really hard to get rid of the two goons. I learned that the hard way when I lost my best friend in the world because of it. On the other hand, it wasn't completely my fault, she was more selfish than most, and she also changed.

The biggest relationship it is screwing with right now is the one with my ex, and I feel horrible about it. I find myself going back and forth, trying to fall in love with him the way I was before his big secret came out, but also feeling that having a boyfriend makes me more invisible because of the lack of social life. Don't get me wrong, I still really care about him. But last night he told me it was one or the other, and I don't want anything but the middle. Go figure.

Allison Wonderland

People probably think working at Disney World is so magical. And the place itself really is. It's what goes on behind the scenes that sort of ruins the magic.

It's kind of got this Kings and their slaves dynamic going on, with rude managers who mostly do not even bother to get to know the names of their cast members. A guy in the break room yesterday joked that the word Disney comes from the Latin to mean "indentured servitude". I don't know if that's true, but it sounds right.

I work at Pirates of the Caribbean, one of the classics. But I never knew how much working in attractions would open my eyes to human stupidity.

(Imagine with motions)
"You're in rows 2 and 3"
"No, 2 and 3"
"Not 4 and 5"
"Ma'am you're in that row"
..."Huh?"

All. The. Time. There's other little treasures too. Other than that, every day is the same. The only thing keeping me here is the health insurance, because the pay sure isn't magical. Hopefully I can find a way to make my own magic from it.

Promise I will post soon, but I'll be out playing pirates for the day, just like every day.

Oops

A Small World?

You know what feeling I have a hard time shaking, or not thinking about? The idea of how huge this world really is. How many people, and lives, and families are in it. I was just watching Greenberg, a random but thought-provoking Ben Stiller film. In it, his OCD and painfully awkward character proclaims:

"Well duh it's a small world, everyone knows that."

I've never felt that way. I can't help but wonder why or how I even matter sometimes. So many people can do what I do and better. But the one fact remains, no one is youer than you (Dr. Seuss). You just gotta make you a you you love.

The world has gotten progressively worse, I don't think many people can argue that. Does anyone ever wonder if that's because it has gotten progressively bigger? Maybe everyone's survival instinct has increased because they feel there is more competition, maybe it's natural. I'm not excusing what a shitty place the world is, because I swear one day soon God is going to say "You know, I said I wouldn't flood this place again, but screw it, it's gotten worse than I imagined. So and so, build me an ark."

Speaking of a shitty place, I can't help but wonder how this situation with the miners in Chile will turn out. The 33 miners stuck in a 540-square-foot area, 2,300 feet underground were discovered after 18 days and just told that they won't be rescued for another 4 months.

I love how at the end of the article I read it says "3 to 4 of the miners are showing signs of anxiety and depression". How do they figure that? It's not like they're sending shrinks down there to examine them. Wouldn't they all be showing some signs of anxiety? They barely have space to move and just found out they won't be out by Christmas! Wonder how their survival instinct is kicking in.

Who Knows

It's been almost 2 days since my break-up, not one I expected at all, but at the same time am more sure than any about. And ironically, he's the best guy I ever dated. Yes, he lied to me about his beliefs for over a year, and I felt a hint of deja vu because I feel like I always end up feeling like I don't know the guy in the end. But otherwise, he was very good to me. I just can't though. I can't. I really don't want to get into my beliefs, so I'm not going to. And I'm trying not to be judgmental, but it's definitely hard when you feel like someone so close to you has been misguided.

So, what's been getting me through? Well, talking to people, of course. But also I have fell head over heels in love with True Blood. And seriously, I am not a vampire fanatic. I do not love Twilight, I fell asleep at the first one and never bothered to see the others. But after starting Season 2 of True Blood, I am hooked. There are so many plots and characters that just fascinate me. Sometimes I wonder why TV doesn't get more recognition than it does when shows like this come around.

The weirdest feeling after a break up? Not knowing what you'll life will be like afterwards. That's why so many people hang on so hard. They don't want to find out. I guess I'm ready. And I know, there will be times I feel extremely lonely. But it's a price I can finally stand to pay after everything. The drama that can come from relationships is endless, and tiring. And it can come straight out of nowhere.

I actually want to go to work tomorrow, how sad is that.

Big Dark Lies

So I haven't been posting lately, but something tells me I will have a lot more time on my hands now. And that something is that I've officially broken up with my boyfriend.

My dating history is, to say the least, a mess. I always end up with guys who lie a ridiculous amount. Edwin wasn't a complete liar like them, but our relationship has ironically ended because of a lie. One really big lie. Let me give you a little idea of how serious I am when I say I've dated liars.

First, there was Derek. My High School boyfriend. Derek was a pathological liar, about all kinds of stuff. He would tell stories so far fetched that I had to know they weren't true, but I was so obsessed I tried to tell myself I could make him a better person. Derek did a lot of shitty things to me, but it was all about him. I just needed to get out. And after way too much pain, I did.

But then came Adam, an even worse liar. I didn't know a thing about this person, because everything he told me was not true. He went as far as to tell me that he went to college, when I learned later he had actually been in prison. I LIVED with this man. We broke up when I found out he was trying to get with my friends.

Then there was Aaron, a long distance relationship that is the one time I can honestly say I acted as somewhat of a gold digger. He took me places, paid for everything. I tried to believe it was a real relationship, but I knew he wasn't really any good. Learned after our 8 month thing ended that he had another girlfriend at home. Wonder what he told her every weekend he came up?

Then came Mike. Mike was a good guy for the most part, and I really liked him. Unfortunately, I later learned he was addicted to pain medication and he needed time alone to deal with it. Bye bye Mike.

And then Chad. A complete piece of trash. Cheated on me, lied to me, and worse things I don't want to mention. Ended up forcing me to drive his company car home drunk one night because he wanted to help out some girls he'd just met that night and wanted to get with (she was 17). I got a DUI. He still tried to get with the girl.

So why did I stay in all these things? Because they just lied so damn well. They really made me believe that I meant so much to them. And I hate to say it, but I have always purposely dated out of my league, because I've always felt after Derek that I needed to be loved more than I loved them. How else would it work?

And then I moved to Florida and finally thought I'd found someone real. We were friends for almost six months before we actually started dating, and I dated him because I thought finally, I'd met a good guy. 9 months later, I was starting to think he might be the one, finally. After the big fuck-up relationships and the smaller dating failures.

And after all my skepticism about everything I knew Edwin wouldn't do like the others, something came out of nowhere that was an instant deal breaker. After over a year, Edwin failed to tell me that he and his family are Jehovah's Witnesses.

"So you're telling me that you've been stringing me along, letting us get this serious, and you never told me something like that? That if we have kids, they can't celebrate Christmas or their birthdays? That you and your family have let their lives become conformed around a religion written by bitter conservatives only 100 years ago? When were you going to tell me?"

"I was too terrified, it was selfish, I know."

And what else can he say. My relationship that I thought might be forever has turned to non existent in one morning, after seeing a fucking refrigerator magnet.

I finally did it

I finally did it. I actually watched Jersey Shore. I wanted so badly not to want to watch this show, but facebook did me in. So many people love this shit, and I had to understand how that could be.

So they're rich guidos. And the guys act how a lot of guys now would act if they lived in a REal World-style TV show. And the girls can't help but act slutty and bitchy to each other, even though they all love each other of course. But all in all, good stuff. For bad stuff. You know what I mean. Reality shows have gotten so fake they are actually kind of good. It takes a lot of producing and "situation writing" (haha, get it?) to make this shit actually watchable.

Also wanted to check out what this emotionalcreature.mtv.com thing was and it turns out it's a show. Here's the description:

MTV and Legendary playwright / author / activist and V-Day Founder Eve Ensler have joined forces to bring her latest work, I Am an Emotional Creature: the Secret Lives of Girls Around the World, to life on MTV. The book captures girls' voices from around the globe, telling stories from the heart of their lives. Rosario Dawson, Aubrey Plaza from "Parks and Recreation," and Jessica Stroup from "90210" all pitch in here, addressing hot button teen issues including safe sex, sexual pressure, sexting, constant connectedness and dating abuse.

OK, so it's basically MTV's attempt to empower girls, it was even founded by a global movement to end violence against women and girls. Will I watch it? Maybe, could be interesting. Although it really doesn't apply to me, as I am old now at age 23. That's how American society is making me feel anyway. (F. you, by the way for that).

Colbert Tidbit

An interesting guest on Colbert had me going again where I start to truly believe that Stephen is, in fact, a conservative. Sometimes his character is just so real, but that's the whole draw. He so strictly "promotes" all the outrageous ideas of many Republicans or right wingers, and we think it is comedic. It's that ridiculous that anyone would advocate or encourage these ideas, enough to the point that it is a comedy show. I love this, this is where I get my real news anymore. Because can you really call this biased? I'd call it objective.

Anyway, the guest, Laura Ingraham, is a popular conservative talk show host on FOX. Maybe I'm a little slow on this one, but she has written a book called "The Obama Diaries" which is a New York Times bestseller in- nonfiction?? So apparently this woman, an extreme conservative who does not want her work to be considered fiction, wants readers to believe she has found several personal entries from Obama and others in the White House. Creative, yes. But is it fiction? Yes. I agree with her on one thing: that Obama was a man who knew how to brand himself. But the book is a waste of time, and not one I'd read because it is I'm sure borderline ridiculous and just there to make other conservatives feel better about the way they feel. In my opinion, the "Bush Diaries" would have been a lot more horrifying.

At the end of the interview, the classy Ingraham tells the world how Biden wanted to kiss her because he said to her "You're my favorite of those Right-wing types", and clearly that means he wanted to throw her down right there. Successful she may be, but she's also a reminder of why I am still a democrat until further notice. :)

People Skills

I was a really shy kid. I mean really shy. I never really thought about why that was, I just kind of sat back in the background and watched people. It wasn't until I moved to England my Freshman year of High School that I began to break out of my shell at all. Don't get me wrong, I had friends. But for some reason, it always took me awhile before I could really open up to them. But once I did, they were very important to me.

Working in Disney for minimum wage really makes you wonder how and why people ended up where they did. I am smart, and graduated with high honors. But here I am, barely able to support myself. Yet every day I see people who display intelligence levels only slightly higher than mentally retarded, and they somehow have the money to bring their family on a 2-week Disney vacation, and also buy their six-year-old an iPhone.

It's all about the people skills. It's who you know that gets you everything you want. It's what you know that seals the deal. Life was designed so that anyone who can shmooze the right way and have the confidence they need can get what they want. I was screwed with a genetic predisposition of insecurity and the inability of being able to bond with people the way I want to. I believe it's genetic because it's exactly how my Dad is. I see him in myself, and as much as I hate it and disagree with it, I can't change it.

And it's a vicious life circle. Politicians get where they are because of all these traits that I am working desperately to develop, although I do have more of a conscience then most. And then politicians keep fucking the poor, which, I am right now. Unemployment checks are for more than what I make, how does this make sense? People can't find jobs, yes they can. They have to do what I'm doing and put aside their dignity. Because they have to. Does it really make sense that they're looking to take away even more money from taxpayers in Florida who can't even support themselves, let alone a family?

This is why you have to fully embrace and hold on to the little joys in life, otherwise it will drive you crazy.

Absolutely Normal Chaos

Hello, welcome to the blog of Allison Honey. And no, Honey is not my real last name, but for all purposes pertaining to this blog or my online identity, that's who I am.

I've started blogs before. Two to be exact. But they never really went anywhere. The first one I created during my recent years as a Print Journalism major, hoping that people (mostly, employers) would check out the "Random Viewpoints of Allison" and think I had creativity, or something "different". Problem was, I wasn't concentrating on the right things, and I was letting certain demons we'll call them, get in the way of almost all motivation. The second blog was more of an online journal, where I tried to pretend my demons were a thing of the past or that anyone would give a shit. Needless to say, both these publications were a load of B.S. served with a side of ignorance.

These passages are going to be something different. This is because it is only once you've opened your eyes that you are ever able to really see. And it took a lot of years and a lot of mistakes before I realized that. This is not an online journal about my life. What this is there really is no definition for, because I won't just concentrate on one thing. It may be chaotic, but what I want to concentrate on is the normalcy, human nature, events, thoughts, whatever the cat drags in.

However, I really would not feel right not letting you know where this is coming from, who it is that is posting these random musings. I grew up in Wisconsin, and went off to Journalism school as previously mentioned at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. When I think of my years in both High School and College I can't always help but think of the phrase "Youth is wasted on the Young", because in my case it certainly was. The amount of things I could go back and do over are endless and my biggest problem currently is to not just throw my hands up in the air and say I've screwed it all up, there's no point now.

After I graduated from UWM in the spring of '09 I still was not quite ready for the real world. So I shipped off to Florida to work at Walt Disney World as an Intern, and well, I've never left. I'm currently working at the Magic Kingdom, and there really is no place quite like it on Earth. I'm still trying to figure out what makes me stay, but I do know one thing: every day brings something new. And I think I've finally found an escape from those motivation-killing demons, and that is definitely very huge.